Motivation By The Need For A “Do-Over”

Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time.
~Thomas A. Edison

One More Time

I wish moments in life had a reset button. Like my childhood Nintendo…just push that grey button on the front of the console to take me back to the start menu.

Every day I hypnotize myself into a daydream of events that I wish I could just do all over again. I know if I just tweaked my decision just a bit, the whole outcome wouldn’t leave such a sour taste.

Why I wish for a do-over

I have a hate and love relationship with running for many reasons. The races and their medals are a couple of reasons why I even try. I’ve run several 5k’s, 10k’s, half-marathons, and many distances in between. I’m not fast nor have I ever placed in the top 50.  However, I still made a goal to run a marathon. I want to be a marathoner. November 2014 was suppose to be the month to finish my first marathon. It didn’t happen.

My body decided that it wanted to escalate my chronic pain and at the same time make a secondary chronic illness to sweeten the deal. I had a healthy diet, great training plan, and ambition. None of it mattered because I ended up being the healthiest sick athlete for the running community around me. I might post about it some other time, but having a chronic illness especially being the healthiest in a lifetime… Just plan sucks!

Determination yelled at me to just suck it up and run.

I prepared myself and ran the distance while I was in training with no problem! So I figured I did enough to manage my illness; enough to run the race. I didn’t know until after but my body is easily susceptible to hyperthermia. It was below freezing and I dressed accordingly. I trained for it. I was prepared and knew what I was doing.

My body said “nuh uh”.

At mile 16, I ended up suffering borderline hyperthermia so a police officer sat me down and called for medical help. My chance for that marathoner title was gone.

So why wish for a do-over? I was sick. It happens.

I want a do over because I ran like I was at my healthiest. I didn’t calculate when I started running that my body is sick. I ran with my heart not my head. I need a do-over because I know that with a clear head, I would’ve finished. Marathon would be crossed off of my bucket list.

It’s been 12 months. I’ve given up running this year. I just hope to find a way to get back into it because running means a lot to me and my sanity. Maybe in 2016 I will get that do-over. One more time to race to the finish line and claim my marathoner status.


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