Motivation By The Need For A “Do-Over”

Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time.
~Thomas A. Edison

One More Time

I wish moments in life had a reset button. Like my childhood Nintendo…just push that grey button on the front of the console to take me back to the start menu.

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Every day I hypnotize myself into a daydream of events that I wish I could just do all over again. I know if I just tweaked my decision just a bit, the whole outcome wouldn’t leave such a sour taste.

Why I wish for a do-over

I have a hate and love relationship with running for many reasons. The races and their medals are a couple of reasons why I even try. I’ve run several 5k’s, 10k’s, half-marathons, and many distances in between. I’m not fast nor have I ever placed in the top 50.  However, I still made a goal to run a marathon. I want to be a marathoner. November 2014 was suppose to be the month to finish my first marathon. It didn’t happen.

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My body decided that it wanted to escalate my chronic pain and at the same time make a secondary chronic illness to sweeten the deal. I had a healthy diet, great training plan, and ambition. None of it mattered because I ended up being the healthiest sick athlete for the running community around me. I might post about it some other time, but having a chronic illness especially being the healthiest in a lifetime… Just plan sucks!

Determination yelled at me to just suck it up and run.

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I prepared myself and ran the distance while I was in training with no problem! So I figured I did enough to manage my illness; enough to run the race. I didn’t know until after but my body is easily susceptible to hyperthermia. It was below freezing and I dressed accordingly. I trained for it. I was prepared and knew what I was doing.

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My body said “nuh uh”.

At mile 16, I ended up suffering borderline hyperthermia so a police officer sat me down and called for medical help. My chance for that marathoner title was gone.

So why wish for a do-over? I was sick. It happens.

I want a do over because I ran like I was at my healthiest. I didn’t calculate when I started running that my body is sick. I ran with my heart not my head. I need a do-over because I know that with a clear head, I would’ve finished. Marathon would be crossed off of my bucket list.

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It’s been 12 months. I’ve given up running this year. I just hope to find a way to get back into it because running means a lot to me and my sanity. Maybe in 2016 I will get that do-over. One more time to race to the finish line and claim my marathoner status.

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